That Yellow Bastard's Advice to Women - that yellow bastard

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July 27th, 2006

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2006.0727.1713::That Yellow Bastard's Advice to Women
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Dear Ladies:

If you've managed to find yourself in a situation where some male has introduced that inevitably-awkward admission of unrequited love for you, please take heed of the following advice:

If you value the man as a friend, do not, under any circumstances, attempt to save his feelings by telling him "I love you as a friend" or something to similar effect. This will in no way deter his feelings for you--it will merely serve as a signal to him that now is perhaps not the best time to pursue you.

You see, whenever a woman expresses a lack of interest in a relationship, her intended meaning (with few exceptions) is, "At no point in the future will I ever consider you someone I would like to date." The man's actual implication translates to "Sorry, I might want to sleep with you later, but getting into a relationship with you right now is simply not the most convenient time for me."

So when women deny us and attempt to soften the blow with words to stroke our egos, we believe their implication is the same as ours--"I reserve the right to change my mind and have sex with you."

We are, as prevalent pop culture is so fond of indicating to all of you, selfish, infantile pigs.

And your intention not to hurt us will keep us hanging onto your skirts like petulant children.

So what do you say to someone who's just expressed their undying devotion to you? From personal experience, "I'm sorry," works pretty well. "I don't find you at all attractive," would probably do, perhaps with the additional clarification, "What I mean by that is that I will never, ever, under any circumstances, have sex with you." While such statements might be overly cruel, they're far more direct and without pretense than "You're attractive, but I just don't think of you in that way."

Here endeth the lesson.

ETA: I've had enough people question me on why I wrote this--I have a close friend who responded to an admission of undying affection inappropriately. I thought I'd pass on the advice that I gave to her. Everything is going swimmingly with Pinky and me.

10 comments | Leave a comment )


fyrdrakken::2006.07.27.09:22 pm
[User Picture]I think that's one of those areas where the current prevailing social conditioning for women -- to be nice wherever possible and to avoid hurting feelings -- is coming back to bite both genders in the ass. Especially if the man in question has bought into the social conditioning that claims that a "reluctant" woman may be brought around by persistent attentions, which leads so many people of both sexes to mistake "stalkerish harassment" for "romance."
thepeopleseason::2006.07.28.07:16 pm
[User Picture]As someone who has fallen prey to the notion that persistent attention bordering on "stalkerish harassment" signifies "romance," I thought it appropriate to get the word out to people who might not know better.

fyrdrakken::2006.07.28.08:06 pm
[User Picture]One day I will reach the right critical mass of aggravation and time on my hands to make the long ranty post about the myths inherent in our current cultural idea of "romance" (as reflected and perpetuated by our mass media) and the grave disservice they do to both genders. And then whenever someone else posts about something that reminds me of it I'll either have it out of my system or at least just have a post in my memories to concisely point them to, for reading or ignoring as they choose. Until then, I'll just get wordy on others' comment pages.
fyrdrakken::2006.07.28.08:07 pm
[User Picture](Oh, BTW, thank you very much for having changed your background color. The previous one was slightly blinding.)
whedonite::2006.07.28.05:18 am
[User Picture]This is why I miss chatting with you
thepeopleseason::2006.07.28.07:14 pm
[User Picture]We should get together for lunch next week. I take the bus everyday, so let me know when, and I'll drive that day.
whedonite::2006.08.03.02:35 pm
[User Picture]Yeah I want to see you and do lunch but this month is going to be hard for me. Lack of fund, when I aam off I need to pack, etc. So can I take a rain check and we also have Dragon Con.
thepeopleseason::2006.08.03.03:49 pm
[User Picture]Don't forget I won't be at Dragon because of the wedding that I'm going to.

stalkyoulater::2006.07.28.07:10 pm
[User Picture]Wow you really do "hit the nail on the head" in your speeches. Yeah! I haven't seen you in forever not since we randomly saw you on the street. "It really is James not just some other Asian person," Bethany says to Brandon who looks shocked.
thepeopleseason::2006.07.28.07:17 pm
[User Picture]Yeah, new girlfriend and a job that's been getting busier and busier have me in a homebody/recluse mode lately.

Well, that and the PS2.
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