Transcribed from old journal - that yellow bastard

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May 15th, 1998


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1998.0515.0000::Transcribed from old journal
Ms. Kjos gave me the following passage today:

You know what I am going to say. I love you. What other men may mean when they use that expression, I cannot tell: what I mean is that I am under the influence of some tremendous attraction which I have resisted in vain and which overmasters me. You could draw me to fire, you could draw me to water, you could draw me to the gallows, you could draw me to any death, you could draw me to anything I have most avoided, you could draw me to any exposure and disgrace. This and the confusion of my thought, so that I am fit for nothing, is what I mean by your being the ruin of me. But if you would return a favourable answer to my offer of myself in marriage you could draw me to any good--every good--with equal force. My circumstances are quite easy, and you would want for nothing. My reputation stands quite high, and would be a shield for yours. If you saw me at my work, able to do it well and respected in it, you might even come to take a sort of pride in me:--I would try hard that you should. Whatever considerations I may have though of against this offer, I have conquered, and I make it with all my heart. Your brother favours me to the utmost, and it is likely that we might live and work together; anyhow, it is certain that he would have my best influence and support. I don't know that I could say more if I tried. I might only weaken what is ill enough said as it is. I only add that if it is any claim on you to be in earnest, I am in thorough earnest, dreadful earnest.
- Charles Dickens

Ms. Kjos said that she would love for me to find someone who would say something like this to me. If only time weren't a factor, I would be a happy man.

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