Things you shouldn't do when pursing a girl - that yellow bastard

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+ : Remember who Duckie became...

May 9th, 2004

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2004.0509.2042::Things you shouldn't do when pursing a girl
  1. Buy shit for her
    Money can't buy love. Buying shit for her just makes you into a human wallet.
  2. Her homework
    Even if you're some six years or so out of grad school, doing her homework just casts you into the role of Duckie. You don't get girls as Duckie. You get "Let's just be friends" as Duckie.

    On the flipside, girls get boys if they're Watts, but girls can get away with a lot more dumb relationship stuff because guys are pretty stupid and oblivious.
  3. Get involved with her when you know she has a boyfriend.
    Knock it off. It's just going to make someone supremely pissed off, and if you're lucky enough to not be the one, you never know if said boyfriend is an expert in Krav Maga or some other arcane martial art.
  4. Mistakenly agree to hang out with her and her boyfriend.
    Yeah, like you have any control over that?
  5. Spend the entire day listening to her list the things which are wrong with her boyfriend...
    You're in major Duckie territory here.
  6. ...and nod and understand.
    You might as well help her pick lipstick and clothes, because if you do this, you're pretty much the gay (or at least asexual) best friend.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

8 comments | Leave a comment )


(no subject) - (Anonymous)
thepeopleseason::2004.05.10.08:39 am
[User Picture]*shrugs*

I guess I'm just looking at the world through my bitter-colored glasses...
amezri::2004.05.09.07:00 pm
[User Picture]Ha! Poor Duckie.
thepeopleseason::2004.05.10.08:33 am
[User Picture]You know that part when Simone from Ferris Bueller's shows up at the end and looks lustily at Duckie?

Yeah, that never really happens to Duckies. That only happens in magical, fictional universes with leprechauns and unicorns and Anthony Michael Hall making friends with Judd Nelson.
amezri::2004.05.22.07:06 pm
[User Picture]I'm kind of the Duckie. Without the crazy hair and shiny shoes.
nameisboxcar::2004.05.09.09:31 pm
For what it's worth...I always wanted Duckie to be my boyfriend. Or Lloyd Dobler.
thepeopleseason::2004.05.10.08:30 am
[User Picture]Yeah, my Diane Court went off and married someone else.
-anon-::2004.05.15.11:46 am::Remember who Duckie became...
Duckie became the major bruiser with the hot chick: Jim in Edward Scissorhands ( . I blame it on too much bitterness.
thepeopleseason::2004.05.15.03:04 pm::Re: Remember who Duckie became...
[User Picture]Actually, that's Farmer Ted. Farmer Ted would later go on to be Christopher Walken.

Duckie became Maxwell Hauser, stock-broker extraordinaire running from the mob and running for class president, and then Charlie Sheen's brother.

And the bitterness? Yeah, my cup floweth over.
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