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July 31st, 2009


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In this survey, you have to imagine that there is some overwhelming reason that you MUST complete each task. If it helps, imagine that doing so will save a loved one from certain doom. Assume that all costs will be prepaid for each item, so you don't have to worry about how much any of this costs. No matter what, though, you MUST choose something for each item. No hedging—just answer the question.


1. You MUST get a tattoo. What will you have and where shall it be?

I've frequently contemplated getting a tattoo, and I can seldom decide what sort of tattoo I'd like. I've mentioned the Tao of Pooh tattoo idea, but lately, I've become enamored with the notion of a realistic-looking radial crack/fissure/fracture right over my left breast.

Something similar to George Clooney's tattoo from From Dusk Til Dawn would be cool, where there's only hints of it viewable if I'm wearing normal clothing, but it's actually enormous.

2. You MUST sing one song of your choice to an audience of your friends, family, and coworkers. You'll have a great back-up band, and you'll have expert music teachers help you prepare as best you can. What song are you going to sing for all of us?

Since I have, on numerous occasions, serenaded various groups of friends, the addition of a back-up band and expert music teachers sways my intent towards something entirely outside of my (generally bass) vocal range (and something I can't falsetto on, either). "Oh Sherrie," maybe.

3. You MUST choose one food you're going to eat every single day of your life from now on. You can eat all kinds of other foods, but this one has to be eaten each day. What food do you choose?

You'd think I'd say bacon, but eggs are far more versatile.

4. You MUST go back to college and earn another degree. What will be your school, your degree, and your major?

I don't think I'd go back to college--I'd probably want to go to a trade school and learn how to use water jets and arc welders.

5. You MUST leave your own country for one year and live somewhere else. Your family can go with you if you like. Where will you go for a year?

Easy: Australia.

6. You MUST choose another profession for yourself. You can never go back to the one you have now, so choose carefully. What is your new profession?

I think "writer" is broad based enough to cover columnist or novelist. Now if I could only get those creative juices flowing...

7. You MUST get a new pet. This pet has to be an animal that can move around freely in your house, like a dog or a ferret. (Goldfish don't count.) What will you get and what will you name it?

I'd love a cat, despite my allergy, and I'd probably call her Biscuit, in honor of the sweet kitty that very temporarily graced my life.

8. You MUST reveal the initials of someone on whom you once had a big crush, but you never told them. Who was your secret crush?

I've pretty much told all of the women that I've had big crushes on that I was into them (and, at one point or another, pretty much all of them pulled my still-beating heart from my chest and crushed it beneath their heels). But one name comes to mind as not-as-big, and that's PC.

9. You MUST give ten percent of your income for the rest of your life to a charity or a cause. You can split the ten percent among several charities if you like. Who will get your donation?

Electronic Frontier Foundation
Comic Book Legal Defense Fund
Heifer International

10. You MUST go back and change one major life decision. This has to be some decision of yours that many people knew about. What life decision will you change?

I probably wouldn't date Marcia.

Extra Special Bonus Question:
You MUST change one physical characteristic and one personality characteristic - which ones?
Physical - I'd like my leg length to be proportional to my torso height.
Personality characteristic - I'd like to stop being a whiny, emo bitch.


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